Puppy Madness!!

For those of you that have been sitting on the edge of your chairs eagerly since my last blog on August 9th, fear not, I am back in the saddle. Let's get this rolling...

First off, my birthday went off without a hitch. It turned into a grown folks field day event, with sightings of football, frisbee, croquet, kickball, volleyball and most importantly, pinata whacking. My boss was kind enough to fill the pinata with tiny bottles of booze, (one of the many perks of working at a bar) which were consumed rampantly and with a vigor rarely seen amongst my well mannered cronies. We had a lovely evening, and as expected I was the picture of responsibility, even making it to the Portland Bridgepedal the next morning at 7 A.M. It should be noted that riding a bike 35 miles while stinking drunk is hard and confusing.

Next item of business: We got a dog!!!

My girlfriend and I had been discussing the possibility of getting a dog for a while, when one day on a whim, I drove to Longview and bought one at the Humane Society. He is the cutest widdle poopsy woopsy in the whole world, and you just want to squeeze him and.....anyway, I digress.



His name is Augustus Megatron (a strong and proud Christian name). He is half black lab, half beagle. The other half is probably great white shark judging from the marks on my arms and ankles and toes. To all of you mathemophites worried about my fractioneering, your doubt is not misguided, just unappreciated.

Everyone will be happy to know that he is smarter than everyone working at Cingular's call bank, and is getting close to being house trained. This is great news, because if anyone is going to pee on a rug in my house, it is ME!

Here is his resume, if you are considering hiring a dog:

SKILLS:
Eating stuff he shouldn't eat (bugs, rugs, other gross stuff that even I find truly appalling)
Pooping
Peeing
Peeing in the house
Eating food
Drinking water
Biting Bri
Biting Me (then making me feel bad for yelling at him, jerk)
Contemplating the advantages and disadvantages of sniffing other dogs asses
Sniffing other dogs asses
Hiding under the deck when he is not supposed to and getting doused by the hose (ha ha, sucka!)
Sleeping in the way of where we walk

All in all he is going to be a fantastic pooch and a lot of fun to have around.

Finally, I am really interested in going camping multiple times over the next couple of weeks, so if anyone has suggestions of great camp sites close to Portland, please send them my way.

September is music month for me in PDX, so there will be many concert reviews coming soon.

"I hate my Motorola Razor phone" by John

My phone is totally bunk, whack, wiggity whack, substandard, poor, inferior, second-rate, second-class, unsatisfactory, inadequate, unacceptable, not up to scratch, not up to par, deficient, imperfect, defective, faulty, shoddy, amateurish, careless, negligent, miserable, sorry; incompetent, inept, inexpert, ineffectual; awful, atrocious, appalling, execrable, deplorable, terrible, abysmal, godawful; informal crummy, rotten, pathetic, useless, woeful, bum, lousy, not up to snuff.

THE END

Arcade Fire vs. The Dirty Hangover

Today is a day of internal conflict, filled with WOO-HOO's and BOO-HOO's. This morning while checking my email, I discovered that the Arcade Fire ticket pre-sale for Seattle started today. Oh glorious transports of delight! After hurredly sending out an email to my friends to see if anyone wanted to go, apparently leaving Josh out (Josh: come wipe up the blood at my house), I bought 1 pair of tickets for me and Garrett. Apparently we were the only people dedicated enough to commit to this show at 9:23 A.M this morning. So, Garrett and I are going to have a grand adventure on the 24th of September, filled with hunting, gathering and kicking it old school. On this trip, I predict the following:

1. Garrett and I will hunt for hot dogs in 7-11 in the same manner that bears hunt for fish in rivers.

2. I will scream and act like a 14 year old girl when the band comes on stage.

3. Garrett will scream and act like a 14 year old girl when he is run down by a drunk hobo on a bicycle.

4. I will complain that this show doesn't match up to the last Arcade Fire show or the one before. Then I will go home and tell everyone that this was the best show I have ever seen.

5. As always, an adverse effect of me being awake is that those around will have to listen to a diatribe about mokeys with handguns. (more on this later)

Now for the Boo Hoo's. Thursdays suck. Ticketmaster sucks. Hangovers REALLY suck!

Bring on the weekend, I am ready to turn 25!

Next blog: The Grand Conspiracy To Injure Josh's Toes and Have Him Bleed All Over My House and most of 39th Ave.

24 years down. 0 ninjas killed.

I just sent out the evite for my 25th birthday today, and the reality of turning a quarter of a century old is hitting me like Ike Turner. I always imagined that I would be well on my way in my career by this point, but life has turned out to be much more complicated than the standard error in my calculations had allotted. The theme of the evite has a late 70's Trans Am, a car that was made before I was born. Luckily, it is much cooler than the cars of my era. We never had the gas guzzling muscle cars of the 60's and 70's, no..we had a station wagon. My parents owned an 1986 Pontiac Parisienne station wagon affectionatley known as "Lurch." This vehicle always guaranteed an awkward ride, because as the youngest, I had to sit in the rear facing bench seat, which frequently resulted in vomiting, and often resulted in getting the finger from the drivers following because my mom was (and is) a really bad driver. ( SEE VOMITING).

Anywho, my party should be really fun, and I am really looking forward to it.

Thanks to all who came in the bar this weekend. I had a lot of fun on Sunday night.

School is almost at an end. Commence greatness?

After conferring with my guidance counselor in business school, I realized that after a brief 6 years since I started college, I will be done and set free in the world to make my proverbial footprint on society. After the discussion with Doug (my counselor) concluded, I realized that I have absolutely no idea of what to do now. I realize that the logical next step is to find a job doing whatever it is that I want to do, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that I am totally scared out of my wits and have no clue as to what I want to do forever. Mostly I am sad that I forgot any information taught to me immediately after exams.

Here are the things I know:

1. I do not want to go to my graduation ceremony.
2. I do want to have a big party and get drunk.
3. I do not want to feel guilty about being drunk and obnoxious the next day.
4. I do not want to come back to PSU for any subsequent education.
5. I want to win the lottery.

Flappie is banished from my dashboard

Due to his inability to do anything aside from waste my time and cause me undue mental anguish, Flappie the Mac OSX Widget (http://www.apple.com/downloads/dashboard/games/flappie.html) is henceforth banished from my dashboard. To fill those of you in who have yet to be enlightened (or have something even remotely meaningful to do with your time), Flappie is an animated green smiley thing that cries and whines a lot while inaccurately reporting the weather. Allegedly, if you care for this winged booger long enough, it is supposed to evolve into something else, however, according to my online sluething, no evolution takes place. So, to enact my revenge, I made it cry then proceeded to delete the beast entirely from my computer.

Farewell Flappie, you needy life leeching pet rock!