Hello, I'm John, and I walk into shit when I sleep.

Hi,

I write to you from class today, because I finally lost interest in picking the dried blood out of my ear from Thursday morning's injuries. (See last blog)

I am learning tonight about retail structure and site analysis in my real estate marketing class at PSU. Thrilling. Well, OK, It actually is pretty interesting. I just learned that Ikea took up the last "Super regional" site in the Portland Urban Growth Boundary. A super retail site requires 80- 100 acres of space in order to accomodate parking, deliveries, etc.

The reason I am really writing tonight though, is to discuss what is going on in my life. I am going try and put an entertaining and self effacing twist on it, in order to entertain all of my adoring fan(s). Who even reads this crap you ask? I will tell you who. My Fan(s). You know, the one(s) who leave flaming bags of excrement on my porch as gifts. I also have theorized that my fan(s) chew things up in my kitchen while I am gone in order to frame Gus, so that I will get rid of him and have more time to blog. I see it as similar to the way that cats bring dead birds and other yard findings to their owners as a way of saying, "Thanks for feeding me and taking the lumps of dried urine out of my litter box." In my eyes, my fans are thanking me for taking a little of their dried urine clumps, AKA "useful time" as they say it in the people world, and replacing it with mindless drivel that stupefies them for seconds, if not nanoseconds during their day.

For this blog, I am also open to the idea of answering my readers' questions, much in the manner of Dear Abby, or even more accurate, Ask Marylin. If you have a burning question or a burning area of skin that you have a question about, please feel free to leave it in the comments section at the end of the blog. I will try to get an answer for you promptly and try to include as little useful information as possible with just enough confusing language to leave you feeling satisfied. At least briefly, similar to that way that you would be satisfied by eating pork rinds, or 4 hot dogs when you are drunk. If you do not have a question, but have something useful, like plans for a disiplinarian robot for my dog, who walks, scoops, and says no indiscriminately, please include schematics for how to properly construct. Any blueprints from the notorious Acme Co. will NOT be considered.

UPDATE: After my last blog, my girlfriend would like me to not drag my personal life into my blog, because it is "creepy", and people could be reading it and using that information for world domination, or even worse, they may support my idea of getting an iPhone. I cannot even begin to process what "creepiness" could be occuring with the knowledge that my dog barks and pees in the house. It gives me the willies just thinking about what people may be doing with this priceless piece of knowledge. So, as a disclaimer, please don't tell her about anything interesting that I have written about her. ha.

To those who are concerned, my face is healing well, and I have only been asked about my face nastiness twenty times today. A new all time low since Thursday.

I think that is all for this one.